Knocked out of sanity

Film: Knock Out (Hindi)

Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Irrfan, Kangna Ranaut, Gulshan Grover

Direction: Mani Shankar

Rating: 1/5

It took me a while to muster the courage to watch this film, because some silly sparrow had told me Kangna Ranaut plays a cop in the film. Yesterday I heard a less agonizing piece of news - she plays a TV reporter, and so I watched it finally.

She could have played a cop for all you'd care - it would not matter. Knock Out defies all logic and sense anyway. It's a lousy, unidirectional story adapted from an equally lousy film called Phone Booth. Some nameless guy, played by Sanjay Dutt, is on an apparently serious mission of taking Bachhu Patel (Irrfan) hostage in a phone booth as he takes refuge himself in one of the buildings in the complex (All office-goers at the Magarpatta IT Park, Pune - I truly sympathize with y'all). The film shifts clumsily from one sequence to the other, where a gun-toting and cigarette-smoking shooter bugs the living hell out of Bachhu Patel, and in an attempt to salvage his mission, shoots Bachhu's stalker dead. The entire police force reaches the spot and somehow decides that Bachhu must be the killer - duh! The guy was shot in the back. Bachhu stood in the front. But what the hell! It gets crazier. The police force stands there and simply watches the proceedings instead of taking Bachhu into custody. Why? Because the killer can be dangerous! Double duh! In the meantime, Kangna makes the scene as an irritating TV journalist who always "wants the first bites". She calls herself Needy She-bath-tub (I presume that's supposed to be Nidhi Shrivastava) in an utterly nasal accent that is the only (literally) high point in the film. So Needy She-Bath-Tub and the equally clueless police officers can't for the life of them figure out where this shooter is put up, and Needy She-Bath-Tub keeps getting this inane urge to interview Bachhu Patel even as he struggles to escape the phone booth and the shooter's impeccable aim. After two hours of ordeal, the shooter finally reveals that he is nothing but the true voice of India (Mr. India, anyone?) who wants Bachhu to be a nice little bachhu and stop helping pig-headed ministers like Babuji (Gulshan Grover) pilfer money that's duly every Indian citizen's. Finally, after this high-voltage drama, Bachhu Patel undergoes a tranquil transformation and becomes a national hero, inviting exaggerated gratitude from a squeaking Needy She-Bath-Tub and the rest of the country.

I'm not sure what the director was up to. But I seriously recommend he watches a certain disaster called Dus. It might help him understand that style cannot ever substitute substance. And no, getting your victim to do a sultry dance in the midst of a supposedly tense situation hardly qualifies as cool, as does not an overweight Sanjay Dutt swinging over cable wires like a retired Superman.

Do Dooni Score!

Film: Do Dooni Chaar (Hindi)

Cast: Rishi Kapoor, Neetu Kapoor, Akhilendra Mishra

Director: Habib Faizal

Rating: 4/5

Before its release, this film was being promoted on the back of the Kapoor couple re-uniting after a hiatus of 30 years. Once you watch the film, you want to ask them - why the hiatus in the first place? More importantly, this film is a rockstar even sans the promotions.

Director Habib Faizal portrays a very real, believable picture of a middle class family that aspires to own a car despite its purse strings pulled tight. Santosh Duggal (Rishi Kapoor) is a 51-year old school teacher who shunts and slogs across the school classroom and a tuition centre in order to earn every extra buck that he can for his kids to earn quality education, even if that must mean working under an antique lamp through the night on his study table. Kusum Duggal (Neetu Kapoor) is the nonchalant home-maker who makes near peace with the family's finances, along with a dollop of love for her husband and tons of jam sandwiches for the children - a rebellious daughter Payal (Aditi Vasudev) who is as embarrassed about disclosing the contents of her middle-class wallet in her college as about taking a ride on her father's run down scooter; and Sandy (Archit Krishna) who ensures his KFC soirees and gelled hair are always in order despite their limited means.

There is not an element of the film which you will point out as unnecessary. It is beautifully woven, with specific attention to details in an examination hall, in the personal snides made by pesky neighbours, and in the materialistic shallowness of distant relatives. The kids, thankfully, act out their part with much maturity, sparing us the mindless hamming (remember the Bhootnath kid?) and giving us a very convincing set of siblings who are well-webbed into the family's culture, yet yearning to break free. Rishi Kapoor comes up with arguably his best performance, snippets of which you see in the dilemma he faces between a teacher's noble scruples and the profane lure of bad money. Also, the emotional connect between the father and daughter over the realization of his self-pride is subtle yet endearing. But the real surprise in the entire deal is Neetu Kapoor, who makes you sore about the fact that she went missing for so many years. Her effortlessness in her role is totally awesome. She is, in fact, so classy that in a couple of instances through the length of the film she fails to hide her elegance under the garb of a middle-class, cardigan-clad housewife.

Do Dooni Chaar is a perfect score - a rare film that must get its due credit by all means. We desperately need masterful storytellers who can give out a sensitive message, without asking us to carry our dispenser of tissues along to the hall.

The Town: A Classical Thriller

Film: The Town (English)

Cast: Ben Affleck, Rebecca Hall, Jeremy Renner, Jon Hamm

Director: Ben Affleck

Rating: 3.5/5

Good news - Ben Affleck makes for a fine director.

Bad news - He still cannot act.

The Town is a well-paced, enthralling story of a bunch of four loonies including Doug (Ben Affleck) and Jem (Jeremy Renner), who have no qualms making big money off a series of violent bank robberies in Charlestown. Did I say, well-paced? That depends very much on how you classify good pace. It's not as scintillatingly beautiful as The Departed, but it ain't slow or stupid like Badmaash Company either (sorry for that lame comparison).

The going is good for the gang, until Doug (sort of predictably) falls for a bank manager Claire (Rebecca Hall) whom they had taken hostage during one of their heists. He tries, not once but often, to weasel out of the maze of crimes he has landed himself in so that he can look forward to a regular civil life. But his wizened old boss Fergie - a florist cum local goon - will hear none of it and threatens him with dire consequences if he ever considered quitting this one-way street. The gang is followed closely by FBI Agent Frawley (Jon Hamm), until the plot congregates into a fine thriller of a climax.

The character sketches in the film are vivid, but never over the top. You don' t see those quirky, crooked grins but you sense their evil. You feel for Doug when he is stranded in the grey patch between moral redemption and his obligations to an old friend. There are, some weak links too - such as Claire's character - her pressing need to reveal sensitive FBI information to a stranger she has just run into at a laundromat. But in the larger scheme of a brilliant narrative, you can forgive the lapses.

You can also forgive Ben Affleck for casting himself in the lead. I'd personally prefer he sits out in the director's chair henceforth, though. The winner of the movie is, undoubtedly Jeremy Renner who effortlessly portrays the conniving, cold-blooded gangster with much elan.

The Town keeps you at the edge of your seat, although it may not qualify in the top ten thrillers you may have come across.

When did Crooks get so drab?

Film: Crook

Cast: Emraan Hashmi, Neha Sharma, Kavin Dave, Arjan Bajwa

Director: Mohit Suri

Rating: 2/5

I have never witnessed such rapidly varying opinions through the course of watching a movie. Crook is a crooked, sinusoidal ride that begins with a story that seems to be heading nowhere, then it gives you that fleeting glimmer of hope mid-way that we have a thought-evoking story on our hands. And then, it crashes into a pile of debris in a terrible anti-climax.

Truth be told, Crook could have potentially been a riveting film about a crook's indifference towards a fad of racism as long as it does not affect him. Jai Dixit (Emraan Hashmi) moves to Melbourne under the alias of Suraj Bhardwaj, and works as a part-time taxi driver when he is not lusting after Suhani (Neha Sharma), an Australian citizen who lives in Melbourne with her brother Samarth (Arjan Bajwa) - who unfortunately reminds you of Arbaaz Khan's intolerable act in Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya. The pity is, you can't figure out Jai's agenda: does he pursue Suhani for love, or is she merely the ticket to his PR in Australia?

The story then moves on to highlight the racism faced by Indians in Australia, and sadly that's where everything goes wrong. When you make a film on a topic as sensitive, the least we expect from you is that you do your homework right. Racism in Australia is an international issue that took seed ages ago. It had begun with the clashes between the native aborigines and European migrants, and had also resurfaced a few years back with the Cronulla riots between Aussies and Middle Eastern migrants. And then in 2009, a similar trend emerged which victimized Indians. In each of these spates of violence, people of various ethnicities were involved, and the reasons were more myriad and complicated than the amplified family feud that was shown as the reason in this shoddily done movie.

There is nothing to take away from the story, so let me not even get there. But you might just get the feeling that Emraan Hashmi is finally beginning to come of age. He is not great, but unless you are a cynic, you can't hate him either. Arjan Bajwa fits perfectly into his character - he plays the character of a psycho. And he looks like one too. Neha Sharma has a gorgeous face, and she is not a bad actor either. But such films can't do her any good. Kavin Dave should stick to his Sprite commercials in which he is absolutely fantastic. That wicked 'I am your nemesis, mate' look with a spade in his hand is just not his thing.

On a positive note, Pritam's music is outstanding. I don't care if he picks it up from somewhere - you can't rid yourself of the addiction to his songs. But then, just buy the music CD, you don't need to go watch the entire film. As for Australia, well, just download some beautiful pictures from the Web.

That kiss maketh a mess

Film: Robot

Language: I don't know

Cast: Rajnikant, Aishwarya Rai,

Direction: Shankar

Rating: You don't rate Rajni movies. Mind it!

Aiyyo! When a film's credits begin rolling with the mention of 'Superstar Rajni' and the name of the film is only mentioned later as an afterthought, you ought to know that the film does not warrant a review. But then, I have been dying to write something about it since the time I began watching the movie in the cinema hall on Friday night. The movie has just ended, so here I am.

It all began with a kiss that a lovely doe-eyed girl planted on Chitti's (Rajni the robot's) cheek. At first, when Chitti was a mere machine sans human emotions, he disliked the kiss because it wetted his cheek. But then Vasikaran (Rajni the superstar scientist & Chitti's creator) planted some programmable feelings in Chitti's metallic heart for some reason I can't remember. And then the doe-eyed girl kissed Chitti again, which drove Chitti bananas. (I won't blame him for that). An insecure Rajni the scientist dismantled Rajni the robot and threw his remainder in a dumpyard.

For all practical purposes, the story ended there. But then a sizable part of India's population resented in front of the director's house, demanding more of Rajni. So Rajni the robot resurfaced from the dumpyard and declared war on Rajni the scientist and every other object that existed in Chennai, Tamil Nadu and other Indian states that Chitti's arms could reach out to. Then, voila! A hundred more Rajnis came into being thanks to Chitti's need to set up an army that comprised of, well, a number of himselves. In the last hour, you have hundred thousand Rajnis with artistically gelled hair wigs manifesting themselves into various kinds of machines. And then Rajni the..oh, wait. That doe-eyed girl, by the way, is Aishwarya Rai. She is a doctor and lives in a house called Happy Home (I thought only houses in Punjab can have such names).

Ok, so then Rajni the robot will have Aishwarya Rai at any cost. But Rajni the scientist is smart (of course, da!) and he overpowers Chitti (you call that Chitti ko Chitt kar dena). Ultimately, love triumphs over an erroneous program code.

If you are a Rajni fan, you've got a bonanza out there. If you are not, stay away from Robots. They can give you an electric shock, right like the one the lyrics 'Mohen Jodaro, Mujhe Dil Mein Utaaro' may have given Javed Akhtar Sa'ab.

One Hell of a Drive!

Film: Anjaana Anjaani (Hindi)

Cast: Ranbir Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra

Direction: Siddharth Anand

Rating: 3/5

Two strangers, vanquished at the hands of fate, decide to commit suicide together. And when all their bids to kill themselves fail, they decide to wait for 20 days before they can take the plunge without any further jinx. This is where the uniqueness of the story begins. And also where it ends, unfortunately. Here on, Anjaana Anjaani is just another love story.

But we are not complaining. Love stories can tend to be trite, and this is no exception. Although the film begins in a painfully slow fashion with a documentary on 101 Suicide Tips, you know you can make do with Priyanka's snorty giggles, a lovely background score by Salim-Sulaiman, and Ranbir's oh-shuch-a-cute-lishp. Gradually, the interest begins to pique - and you are offered some stellar moments such as Ranbir's gay act with a kinky cowboy, Priyanka's confrontation with her philandering fiance, and Zayed Khan's bike. (No, not Zayed Khan. Only his bike.)

However, just as you begin ignoring the mediocrity of the story and turn your focus to the infectious music, snazzy screenplay and breathtaking cinematography, three words, "Sabse luckiest person", pop out of nowhere - like an unexpected phantom. And you are left reeling once again. One can forgo pondering over banal dialogues like "Zindagi humein marne ke kayi wajah deti hai, lekin jeene ke liye ek wajah kaafi hoti hai". But sabse luckiest person, really?

When you are watching a film with the current industry favourites in the lead roles, a fabulous set of songs composed by Vishal & Shekhar (once again), and a screenplay by one of the finest contemporary writers in India (Advaita Kala), you'd surely expect some efficiency in the department of dialogues too, which just does not happen. Add to that some regular cliches like finding your own wish-bottle ten days later in the Atlantic Ocean, or the girl's BFF pointing out her true love which the girl is herself blinded to, and you are left gasping more than once.

Yet, Anjaana Anjaani works in large parts. Because it deals with snippets of very believable frustration, melancholy and euphoria that we have all experienced in our lives. More importantly, the characters play out their parts with conviction. In effect, Siddharth Anand bakes a nice cake - just a little burnt at the corners.

PS: How do all doctors, coast guards and policemen in NRI Hindi films happen to be Indian?

Carry your digestive pills along!

Movie: Khichdi (Hindi)
Cast: Anang Desai, Supriya Pathak, Rajiv Mehta, and 1000 Sardars
Direction: Aatish Kapadia
Rating: 3/5


Carry your digestive pills along. This Khichdi is sticky, but yes, you do stick to it till the very end - despite the sheer defiance of logic and common sense. Then again, most things that make sense around us these days hardly amuse us. So Khichdi is safe respite. Yes, this is a brainless film where God can knock on your door to offer you Akal Ke Laddoo, the clock can strike 31, and there can be 65 inhabitants in a house - all bearing a common name. But it is adorable nonetheless, for it tickles your funny bone without any effort to make a statement about its class.
The tweet-long plot is too simplistic to be described: A compulsively noble dork, Himanshu, dreams of getting married in grandiose Bollywood fashion - where the boy meets the girl, a conflict arises that separates two pining lovers, and where love ultimately prevails. After a few hilarious goof-ups elsewhere, he does get hooked with one of the 65 'Parminder' girls in his neighbourhood. But in order to bring about the conflict in the love story, his bird-brained family members launch a campaign to prove to the girl's 'Parminderized' family that he is actually a good-for-nothing creep. After a series of funny incidents (I include one in which Farah Khan is seen running on the road like a retired athlete), love ultimately prevails - exactly as Himanshi had scripted the story in his mind - and you leave the hall with a grin that is caused mainly by the sheer stupidity the film offers -albeit in a welcome way.
Among the performances, all the actors did their goofy bit, but the game is single-handedly dominated by Supriya Pathak (Hansa), who plays Himanshu's ultra-dumb sister with a command over the English language reminiscent of her brief yet lovable role in Wake Up Sid - only this time, her "What is?", and "Who are?" clunkers are too good to resist.
Of course, there are some crass moments which are hard to tolerate - for example, a mourning ceremony where the bhajan singers pick a couple of item number themes to sing in remembrance of the departed soul. Humour, like everything else, is beautiful when in limits. It must be prescribed with caution.
But overall, Khichdi is totally watchable, especially if you have had a tough week and can handle the funny that doesn't classify itself in any genre. Toh Bhosale Market Chal. Bas dil pe mat lena yaar!