Cast: Saif Ali Khan, Kareena Kapoor and a badass camel
Direction: Sriram Raghavan
Rating: 1/5
Bang! Boom! Sandstorm. Camels. Unrealistic fight sequences with an army of Afghan soldiers. More camels. Cheesy dialogue exchange in the middle of a tense, life-threatening scenario. Camels galore. One cool, glib spy outclasses every bad guy within a hundred-mile radius of him. Cut to Russia. Repeat sequence.
If you have held on to your nerves until this point, you are set for a few good laughs (obviously unintentional) through the length of this supposed action thriller. It all begins with a Bihari officer (Ravi Kishen) trying to go undercover as a Russian bodyguard...anyway.
Agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan), a RAW officer, is country-hopping to bust an apparent global nuclear conspiracy. Needless to say, he is so cool that he saunters across high-security hotel lobbies without letting the conspirators sitting right in front of him get a whiff of the shenanigans he is up to. Also, he is so awesome that he can bump off rifle-toting gangsters with hairpins while playing poker in a pub. En route this painfully long journey, he meets Iram (Kareena Kapoor), a bomber-cum-Pakistani intelligence officer-cum-wannabe doctor (it doesn't matter till the very end what she really was). Iram, despite being completely uncertain of Vinod's motives, and despite certainly being aware that he is a RAW agent, is nice enough to take him sight-seeing in Morocco. When they are done with all the frivolity, she tells him she is "on his side" and is looking for exactly the same thing as he is - the detonator to a nuclear bomb. Half-a-dozen exotic locales and scores of unexplained killings later, we see that the nuclear bomb, in fact, is something that looks like a classical Punjabi hand pump that needs a password to be disarmed. Never mind that. If you are optimistic enough, there is still a ray of desperate hope that the director will do a Johnny Gaddaar and give you a delectable twist on the motive and the masterminds of the entire conspiracy. Sadly, the unraveling is the most contrived and over-exploited plot point you'd have seen in recent times.
To add to your misery, you have those moments of coolness which don't make sense at all - Mr. Agent asking for a chilled beer as his death wish, Mr. Agent landing on a nuptial bed with Ms. Agent during a chase sequence and asking her to marry him, and corny one liners like kuch paane ke liye kuch khaana padta hai. A pity, this. If only half the wit used in the dialogue department were used to craft a logical story, we'd have had a thing or two to look forward to.
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