No Strings, No Novelty

Film: No Strings Attached
Direction: Ivan Reitman
Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Natalie Portman
Rating: 2/5

Two bored, horny teenagers bump into one another at a party one night and end up having sex. Fifteen years later, they meet again, discover they are still as bored and horny, and hence end up having casual sex again. And again. Then again and again, until you retch and want to shove them into a closet. And then, in an entirely predictable and hackneyed turn of events, they realize there is something 'more' between them than just being 'friends with benefits'. Sigh! As if we didn't already know.
What do we get in the end? Just what we get in seven out of ten romantic comedies. The girl leaves the altar of her sister's wedding because she realizes true love beckons. She makes a mess of her hair and her dress, finds the guy with another woman, rues about being too late before they cross paths on a roadside, then kiss and make up. No Strings Attached is exactly that - a terribly cliched story with two very terrible actors.
Of course, there is the occasionally funny dialogue or sequence - such as the one where the son discovers his ex-girlfriend is going to be his new Momma. But you cannot be grateful for these little shots of laughter when you are put through an ordeal of watching the lead actors pottering around on your screen for two hours with absolutely no inclination towards a decent performance.

Reviving Classics - Dial M for Murder

Film: Dial M For Murder
Direction: Alfred Hitchcock
Cast: Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings
Rating: 4/5

It's not easy for the current generation of movie-goers to appreciate a 1954 thriller that was made without the aid of snazzy technology and enhanced sound systems, which, admittedly, comprise a large part of a film's beauty today.
Here's news: Dial M for Murder, a play adapted by Alfred Hitchcock, lacks not just the advantage of the above two factors. It is also a film that is shot almost entirely in the living room of an apartment, but at no point does it leave you grumbling for anything more - simply because the direction and the lead performances are as beautiful as the intricacy of the play's original plot.
A retired tennis player Tony (Ray Milland) plots to get his millionaire wife Margot (Grace Kelly) killed after he discovers she is in an illicit relationship with an author Mark (Robert Cummings). He blackmails an old colleague from college into committing the crime, but the plot is foiled when Margot instead ends up killing her attacker in self-defense. In well under two hours, the investigation unfolds a wickedly designed ploy, and the guilty is brought to the fore.
The grace of the film lies in the fact that the director does not waste the audience's time with needless foreground to the story or exaggerated heartbreak issues. In the very second scene of the film, he cuts to Tony laying out his master plan, the third scene being the failed execution itself. Albeit a wee bit theatrical in its treatment, Dial M For Murder makes for riveting evening entertainment on your DVD player. And if you have an acquired taste for old classics, this one has got to be a part of your collection!

Dialogue thoda kaccha hai ji!

Film: Dil To Baccha Hai Ji
Direction: Madhur Bhandarkar
Cast: Ajay Devgn, Emraan Hashmi, Omi Vaidya, Shahzan Padamsee, Shraddha Das, Tisca Chopra, Shruti Hassan
Rating: 3/5

Thankfully, Madhur Bhandarkar spares us his excesses with jokes on sex and a bunch of hamming homosexuals (well, almost) this time. And you can't complain against his experiment with a new genre, for he does a fairly decent job despite some total clunkers in the film.
The story is about three 'almost single' men Naren (Ajay Devgn), Abhay (Emraan Hashmi) and Milind (Omi Vaidya), and their romantic escapades. While one is infatuated by a girl half his age, another is caught between his concurrent liaisions with a mother and her step-daughter. And the third, well, is the good guy who goes: "Do you know who I am? A viirrrrrrggginn!" even as he struggles to convince a conniving radio jock of his unconditional love for her.
DTBHJ is funny in most parts, but reeks of disappointment in the dialogue department. For a story that relies on slapstick humour more than situational comedy, it is imperative to lace it with good dialogue, and not poorly crafted lines like 'Sir kitne chill out hain na?' and 'Tumhein cheese bahut pasand hai? Tum kitne cheesy lines bolte ho'. Of course, there is the occasional repartee (Munne Ki Maa, chai bana) that steals your attention back. But otherwise, the film is funny largely only due to Omi Vaidya's involuntarily poor accent and Ajay Devgn's delightful shenanigans as he tries to be cool on the dance floor with a bunch of yuppies.
Emraan Hashmi's character is not only cliched but also unbelievable, for it is hard to understand why a philanderer would suddenly lose his heart to a haughty NRI as poker-faced as Shruti Hassan. Yet, Emraan Hashmi surprises you with a reasonably charismatic performance, and he might just be on his way to prove he is finally coming of age as an actor who can 'tell without kissing'.
DTBHJ may not be up there in the list of the craziest movies in recent times, but it will have you afford a laugh or two at the clown acts of the leading men. As for the performances by the leading ladies, well, some other time!

Those Funny Little Fockers!

Film: Little Fockers
Direction: Paul Weitz
Cast: Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman, Owen Wilson, Jessica Alba, Barbara Streisand, Teri Polo
Rating: 4/5

After the only moderately funny Meet The Parents & Meet The Fockers, the third installment of the Focker series is arguably the funniest.
This comical adventure is based on a very flimsy plot of the grand birthday preparations of the family's twins. But it is the unfailing chemistry between a suspicious father-in-law Jack (Robert De Niro) and his son-in-law Greg (Ben Stiller) that cracks you up over almost every exchange of dialogue or situation they find each other in. While Greg tries his best to be the 'Godfocker' Jack wants him to be, an overly vivacious medical rep Andi (Jessica Alba) unwittingly does everything possible to get Jack to suspect Greg's fidelity towards his daughter. On the other hand, Greg struggles to curb his growing angst against his old friend Kevin (Owen Wilson) - who compulsively gets closer to Greg's wife Pam (Teri Polo) with every passing day, so much that he has a tattoo of Pam's face inscribed right above his crack.
Predictably the film ends with all misunderstandings laid to rest, but not before it has lent you a good laugh over many a crazy situation, the best being Greg's remedy after he discovers his father-in-law has had an overdose of Sustengo, a medication for erectile dysfunction. Some jokes such as the pun on the name 'Gay Focker' show lowered utility, as they have been sufficiently laughed at in the first edition of the series. Also, Owen Wilson's character is nearly meaningless and almost looks like he has a hangover from You, Me And Dupree. The film stays funny nonetheless, thanks to some reasonably funny dialogue and screenplay. You only end up wishing someone as talented as Dustin Hoffman had a little more to do than just a silly Spanish dance step through the length of the film.