Break Bar-baad!

Film: Break Ke Baad

Cast: Imran Khan, Deepika Padukone, Shahnaz Goswami

Director: Danish Aslam

Rating: 0.5/5

'Break Ke Baad' is a painful doctrine on the oft hackneyed subjects of unrequited love and fickle relationship values. You've discussed them at length on your high school stairwells, during your vanilla popsicle and candyfloss days or romance. This film brings back the cliches - unfortunately with a lot of excess baggage in a terrible set of actors, shoddy screenplay and a lack of sub-plots - no wait, a lack of a plot.

Abhay Gulati (Imran), addressed as Gelato in a very Tulu accent by his girlfriend of ten years - Aaliya Khan (Deepika) is apparently a perfectly sorted guy who whines for Aaliya's attention - who loves him as much, but she needs her 'space', and hence flies off to Gold Coast to study some course which she is finally never shown studying. An insecure Abhay follows her all the way to the beaches, where life is clearly all about getting drunk, indulging in beach shack soirees, and liberally using the phrase 'screw you' like immature teenagers.

If this ain't lousy enough, Aaliya Khan gets some sort of brainwave amidst this entire madness, breaks up with a distraught but relentless Abhay, and then lands up a role in an international film from nowhere. Hereon, the already muffled script dies an untimely death with every alternate character preaching respect for relationships and other such trite, which are fought off unabashedly by Aaliya, until she realizes (guess what!) that she still loves Abhay. Play the bugle now, somebody!

Imran Khan suffers from the Benjamin Button syndrome in his performances. He started off well in his debut, and has now completely forgotten whatever little he learnt. Deepika Padukone's dialogue has been annoying enough earlier, but excuse me - the audience is mature enough to know when cuss words like ullu ki pathhi actually sound funny, and when they are shoved in mindlessly. And then, whatever was the director thinking when he left open ends on characters like Ayesha Khan (Sharmila Tagore) and why she was disillusioned by Aaliya's career objectives? If you think Vishal-Shekhar's music might make up for the arid film, think again. They are good, but they can't exactly weave magic. Lillette Dubey is precisely what she is in every film - a pompous, lascivious, over-aged woman who doesn't mind making personal snides on a woman's private parts. And why a notably talented girl like Shahnaz Goswami is made to totter around meaninglessly in the film dressed like an extra large Pina Colada is anyone's guess.

The only high point in the film is that the interval comes to your rescue in well under fifty minutes. While you are there, stack up your popcorn, let out a little burp, wipe your face, and go home.

Guzaarish - film review

Film: Guzaarish
Cast: Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Shernaz Patel
Direction: Sanjay Leela Bhansali
Rating: 2.5/5


The first thing that catches your eye as the film unfolds is blue walls all around. Big, blue walls with cryptic motifs and non-descript paintings or such. But take a closer look, and you can see beyond. You will see green colours too. Green meadows, blue walls, and multi-coloures gowns that clearly belong to eighteenth century Portugal. And a remarkable performance by the lead protagonist that loses its sheen because of these unnecessary projections.
Ethan Mascarenhas (Hrithik Roshan) is an ace magician of yore, now rendered paralyzed by an accident during a stage show that took place fourteen years ago. He fights valiantly through the downward journey of fame and pomp to the confines of a dark (and blue!) room and the unconditional support of his caretaker Sophia (Aishwarya Rai), a hyper student called Siddiqui with a nest on his head that makes him look like a tree (Arjun Roy Kapoor, hereby referred to as The Tree) and a handful of close friends. Ethan's grit gets him to chug along for years even as he progresses as an adorable radio jock and an established author. But the physical helplessness gets the better of him when he finally asks his lawyer-cum-confidante Devyani (Shernaz Patel) to help him make a legal plea for mercy killing. The story then labours over the emotional and the physical turmoil he endures as he endlessly waits for someone to end his constant suffering.
The good news is that this is a very fine documentary on euthanasia, the moral debates that surround it, and the psyche of people who plead for it. The bad news is that it is just that - a documentary. Add to that characters like The Tree who can't get enough of their I-just-had-a-Red-Bull-hence-I-can-ham jigs, and unexplained, semi-sketched characters like that of Ethan's arch rival, and you see a mess of a story that should have touched your heart.
On the other hand, if you are a Hrithik Roshan fan for reasons other than his chiseled body, this film is worth looking out for. Save for the occasional over-the-top theatrical expression which every Bhansali character ends up exuding, Hrithik Roshan is absolutely brilliant in portraying his angst through his moist green eyes and his cynical laughter. Watch out for the scene where he sings out after his deceased mother, and you know what a superstar is made of. Aishwarya Rai has nothing much to offer in the film, but yes, she could tone down her lipstick. Yes, thank you very much. And The Tree needs to get a hold on himself and his hamming facilities. I thought he'd have learnt his lesson after a certain debacle called Action Replayy.
Sanjay Leela Bhansali has shown quality that flits between superb metaphors such as the raindrops lashing out at a helpless, vanquished man's face and repetitive, cliched magic tricks picked from K-Lal's secret diaries. For God's sake, though, enough with the blue walls and the thermocol houses with duck ponds. Unless the story is set in, what, Timbuktoo. Thank you.